Friday, 12 June 2015

Something for the Weekend?

As a lad I would visit my local barbers shop in Green Lanes, Featherstone for a short back and sides.  I was intrigued to hear the barber offer some of his customers, never me, ‘Something for the weekend?’ and slip a small packet into their top pocket.

That’s for later.

Firstly, we need a quick flashback to last week along with some more right brain activity. One of last week’s readers said they needed a joint to follow it! Whatever works for you is fine by me; however I do need to take you back to where we left off:

That bloody plane of yours is still 3,000 ft in the air and will need to land at some point or else!

We begin our descent and reach the clouds.  It's 6 pm, Friday and the gym for me. You?

Some of you will glide softly to the land and park for the weekend. You may go to the cinema; have a meal, yoga, a concert perhaps or even Friday night telly.  I had over 100 views in three hours last Friday so maybe you are reading my blog.

However, some of you (I have the T shirt even if a bit faded) will want to land, restock with some additional types of fuel and take off, back above the clouds.  You?

Many of you are still wired for sound and a few got the drug mix wrong. Some of you popped into the free in-flight Weatherspoons (you are flying a plane remember) for a ‘few’ G&T’s and god knows how many of those little wine things. Sound familiar?  If it does you’re not going to make the next trip as it’s largely alcohol free.

There’s a conundrum for you.

So back in the sky and alcohol free.  Those of you who insist on including alcohol will try to keep flying but slowly and surely you will crash.

But not without; ‘Something for the weekend’ first.

We already have (from last week’s take off) the Modafinil pilots and the coke crew still soaring as they would have stocked up with 'something for the weekend' before departure.

Here are a few more somethings for the weekend in the UK today:

Ecstasy

MDMA (pure Ecstasy) was developed in Germany just prior to the First World War.  The US Military played with it as a truth drug in the 1950s before it gained a following as a counselling drug in California.

The drug was described by Lenny Henry (about to be Sir Lenny) when he famously said;

‘This is a drug so strong it makes white people think they can dance!’

I love dancing and I'm white!  E not needed however as I take after my mum who went live on YouTube last week.   I'm just as mad.  You?

Ecstasy was first brought to Europe by the disciples of the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (better known as Osho), the Indian guru.

Osho tried to show our society a healthier way to live.

The Sunday Times: '1000 Makers of the Twentieth Century' said:

"Drawn from a variety of ideologies and religious traditions, but bearing their own stamp, Osho's teachings are uncompromisingly radical, anti-rational and capricious. They invite the individual to free his or herself from all the social conditioning: the only commitment is to be open and honest, to enjoy life, love oneself."

I googled the dude and it showed 13.2m results.  I love his work and the Goddess and I have danced at many an Osho inspired workshop.  We even studied tantric sex in Hawaii. That's for later.

The UK banned MDMA in 1977 but clever chemists continued to re-invent the wheel and search for a legal alternative.  They still do. We now call them, inter alia, Legal Highs!

Legal Highs

By this I mean ‘and the rest’, (it would take forever to list them) some legal some not. Estimated 500,000 customers a week.

The government has proposed a Psychoactive Substances Bill, which would be applied to "any substance intended for human consumption that is capable of producing a psychoactive effect”.

Hang on that can’t be right, I know loads of legal stuff with a psychoactive effect! The government also said;

"Alcohol, tobacco and caffeine will be excluded". BBC News 29th May 2015.

I must remember to look up what hypocrisy means.

Whatever happens next, the half million customers will still have a demand.  As any A Level economics student (not me, I was chucked out) will tell you, supply follows demand.

Modern Economics: An Introduction by Jack Harvey is still the A Level bible. I didn't understand a word of it, was removed from class, only to find I had an exam based on the same bible in my first year of RICS training! That's for later.

Sorry where was I?

Oh yes, supply will continue, but from an even dodgier source.

It’s just daft. These are my kids and Grandkids we are fucking up!

PRO PLUS®

He ho, back to good old Caffeine.

‘The England soccer team Glen Johnson has confirmed England players used caffeine tablets before their [Tuesday evening] World Cup qualifier against Poland.’ [Sky sports news 2012]

The problem was, the game was postponed after a torrential downpour shortly before kick-off and a large number of the players had imbibed PRO PLUS® (it’s even got a trade mark) at 7 pm that evening.  They were awake most of the night ‘hot to trot’, high on caffeine and by the time the game was replayed the following afternoon they were ready to crash not fly.

The Daily Mail said ‘Roy Hodgson's team failed to impress as they fought to a 1-1 draw on Wednesday afternoon’ and then went on to say why!

I took it many times before running out at Twickenham.

Red Bull make so much money selling you caffeine they even have a strap-line saying it'  'GIVES YOU WINGS'. Flying and wings makes sense.

80% of the world’s population drink caffeine so I assume you do too?

As I told you last week, ‘cold turkey’ from caffeine is to be avoided at all cost.

Music and Sex

As Bryan Ferry said ‘Love is a drug’.

The dance floor raises the endorphins.  For men and women, sex raises testosterone levels. Yes woman have testosterone as well as oestrogen.  Mix it with the above and your flying or ‘sky dancing’ as it’s known in the tantric world.

Ohm Nama Shivia

You see I am easily sidetracked, we are meant to be a plane remember?

You have partied all weekend and  by now it's Sunday, you’re out of all types of fuel, reaching the end of your flying hours, yet needing food (oh yes I forgot about that one) and sleep.  You have about 18 hours, if you're lucky, before being back on the runway for work on Monday morning.

We still need to land the bloody plane. Should have thought of that on Friday instead of a weekend bender. Yikes!

Na, it’s a job we can put off till next week. Sound familiar?

Oh and back to the barbers shop as a lad.  Shortly after my hair being cut I found my mum in the street chatting to a friend.  I asked her; 'Mum what is a Rubber Johnny?'.

My mum gave an answer that Freud would have loved. 'It's a policeman’s truncheon my love'. She patted my head, gave me two bob and told me to go buy an ice cream. No wonder I grew up confused about sex. He ho.

See you next week to land the plane.

And the point I am making is;

It’s the jobs we put off doing that come back to haunt us.

Have a good week

Lambo

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