How do chromosomes make love?
I read last week that children in the UK were suffering from Vitamin D deficiency because their parents were covering them in sun block or they were glued to computers rather than being outside in the sunshine. He ho.
Had my 85 year old dad staying. We talked about, football (He’s a Chelsea fan and thinks Jose' Mourinho was a Yorkshireman in a past life), gardening, more football, music
(Pink Floyd or Dire Straits) cars and money. Sound familiar with your dad,
different bands maybe? We talked about our family line, my dad is a proud
Yorkshireman.
Sorry Dad but I’m
not. I looked it up! I am in fact a mixture of Viking, Derbyshire
and Lancashire. Somehow that enables me
to live by the title of Yorkshireman. It
is true to say there have been many famous Yorkshiremen throughout
history. Indeed, Richard III was given a
state funeral in Leicester a few weeks ago, as
his death in 1485 ended the Wars of the Roses and the Yorkists rule of the
country.
I have a dear
friend who is also proud to be a “bloody Yorkshireman”. It actually turns out his father came to
England from Poland after the war, changed his name and married a Yorkshire
lass. As I mentioned my own roots can be
traced back to the Vikings who in turn came from Scandinavia, who in turn came
from Eastern Europe, who in turn came from Italy and Greece, who in turn came
from North Africa. The other half of my family originate from Holland via East
Germany and Russia and guess what? North
Africa.
As a lad I
just presumed everyone came from Yorkshire and even when I didn’t I assumed Yorkshire ruled the world. It does doesn’t it? I’d never read a paper till 14 (News of the
World), black and white TV and ‘in-t-net’ was something that happened on a
tennis court.
The first of many
battles during the Wars of the Roses
(the wars lasted over 30 years) took place in St Albans, Hertfordshire in
1455. Lancashire were firmly encamped
and playing a defensive 4-4-2 within the city.
Yorkshire adapted a more attacking 4-2-4 system and deployed wingers on
either flanks. The wingers delivered hundreds of crosses into the box which was
packed with Lancastrians. In this war
the wingers crossed with bows and arrows!
Yorkshire won and
went one up in the series. The
victorious warriors wanted to party.
Why else would a bunch of blokes, with Viking genes, march from Leeds,
carrying loads of armour, rubbish food, a blanket to sleep under if they were
lucky, not want to party? Oh and they also had to kill a bunch of other blokes,
claiming to support Lancashire, first. These were lads (young lads at that) on
tour. We all know of course; what
happens on tour stays on tour. Especially with no YouTube to record events, or
journalists checking they weren’t having the odd whiff of laughing gas.
I have had two
fights (as in the fisticuff stuff) in my 60 years, one aged 17 and one at 20
both over the same girl! Engaged at 18
but lost her at 20 to a drama student just after I had pinned him to a condom
machine in the loo and kissed him. A
‘Glasgow kiss’ that is. Quite apt
considering my contribution to her becoming pregnant two years earlier. That’s
drama enough isn’t it! She thought otherwise and my engagement was off. She also wrote my essays (I was in year 3 at Loughborough)
which left me with a different problem.
That’s for later.
Oops back to the
Wars;
“The victorious Yorkist troops were causing havoc …… rampaging through
the streets, looting as they went and leaving behind a trail of
destruction” (Alison Weir - the Wars
of the Roses)
They had discovered
that the girls of St Albans were feisty, the beer was plentiful and it was
considerably warmer than Castleford on a wet Thursday in January. They wouldn’t go home, why should they, they
were boys in the sweet shop! In the end
the Duke of York had to order them out so they turned it into a tour (no
different to today’s rugby tours) of towns on the way home.
My ex-wife is from
St Albans. Clearly the Viking in me knew
where (not) to look. My Grandchildren are
true Vikings and they’re just yummy. I'm told Viking sperm sells for a huge premium! My daughter Emily & Ana her wife purchased three lots of it. Om.
So it is safe to
say my family’s genes, and probably most of yours (I do have some readers in
Thailand but that’s for later), originate from North Africa where the
pigmentation of the skin was much darker to cope with the heat and blazing
sun. Migration moved north through
Italy and Greece into Eastern Europe. Sadly it still does and thousands are
dying daily when their boats capsize in the Mediterranean. As they moved north
the sun shone less and the climate became colder. The skin’s pigmentation became lighter to
adapt and by the time it reached good old England, we couldn’t travel south
without covering ourselves in factor 25.
I did try the package holiday to Greece stuff in my 20’s but just
resembled a beetroot as you do. I even tried false tan a couple of times hoping
it would improve my pullability. It didn't!
Sorry Dad but we
are all part of one big family. You me
and the rest.
Oh, I nearly
forgot;
How do chromosomes
make love?
They take their jeans off, of course.
Om
Comments
Post a Comment